Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
