i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
