My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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