everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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