at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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