If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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