once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
