Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I party with great urgency now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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