that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
