I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.