He uses pillows to masturbate.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.