Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea