i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.