I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.