Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
As shirtless as possible
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill