do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
