toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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