question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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