just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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