Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
