you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
