every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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