I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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