Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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