woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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