You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think your dad took our porno
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
