dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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