omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
