I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
