i always forget guys have bellybuttons
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
