my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
