my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
