Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
