As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
