I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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