I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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