that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
