Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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