listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
