She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
