We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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