i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
