you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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