I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
