I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
