i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
