he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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