Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
