I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
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My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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