im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
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Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
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I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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