I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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