Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
