and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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