big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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