what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My vagina is officially offended.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
