On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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