What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
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halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
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I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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