Soap is not a condiment
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
