I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
