I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
