He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
