So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
