I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
