I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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