Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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