Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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