I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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